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Little Known Facts

20 Mar

It is not often that I get some time

One on one

With either child.

 

Tennyson has fallen asleep.

 

It is very quiet.

Landon and I are watching a Cosby show re-run.

And laughing.

 

“Mommy did you know…”

A revelation is coming…

 

“that

there are 60 minutes in

ONE hour?”

 

“I did know that,

But isn’t that interesting?”

 

It is fun to watch them learn.

I am smiling, noodling on her increasing smart-ness.

 

And then?

I smell it.

A foul odor

Sour and vinegary almost

To the left?

No

To the right?

No

It is coming from

DOWN

 

Landon stretches her legs out on top of me,

Feet in my lap.

And I gag.

All the wave left in my hair is?

gone.

Have I entered a football locker room?

I have not.

 

It is?

Landon’s feet.

Mother of God!

 

 

AWFUL!

 

A foul stench has entered the room

A foul stench has entered the room

 

“honey is that your feet I smell?”

As I lean closer

 

“Mom!

Don’t get near dem. 

If you smell stinky feet,

Your brain

It doesn’t work good.”

 

“What?

Where did you hear that?”

 

“Mrs. Keener.”

 

“Your teacher told you that?”

 

“Yep…

And Mommy you know what else?”

 

I am a’scared to ask.

 

“what?”

 

“You can NEVER eat a soggy waffle.”

 

DAMN! There goes breakfast tomorrow.

 

“You can’t?”

 

“NO!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Well…

 

You won’t know which ways you be goin’

North

Or

South

Or

West

Or

East

You would be so lost.

And that?

Would be so sad Mommy…

You know.”

 

confused-mom

“Did Mrs. Keener tell you that?”

 

“Yep! She is so smart.”

 

Clearly…

Glad to see my tax dollars are hard at work…

Generating this valuable knowledge.

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Posted by on March 20, 2014 in Misbehaving, Parenthood, Parenting

 

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